Make A Date With Your Spouse

Steve Glenn,
Former Chief Instructor, Capitol Police Academy, Austin, Texas.
TOGETHER – YET ALONE
THE POLICE SPOUSE MUST….
OFTEN ASSUME THE ROLE OF THEIR ABSENTEE MATE.
LEARN TO FUNCTION INDEPENDENTLY.
LEARN TO COPE WITH BEING ALONE.
SPEND SPECIAL HOLIDAYS ACTING AS BOTH MOM AND DAD.
SOME PROVEN STRATEGIES ( FROM Irene Schreiber – Suffolk Co. Police Wives Assoc. )
MAKE TIME; MAKE DATES TO BE TOGETHER
YOU DID IT BEFORE YOU WERE MARRIED, SO JUST DO IT AGAIN. RESERVE SPECIAL TIMES TO BE TOGETHER. ALSO, SET ASIDE A “FAMILY DAY” EVEN ONCE A MONTH SO THE KIDS CAN SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH BOTH PARENTS.
KEEP BUSY WHEN HE OR SHE IS NOT AVAILABLE
CLUBS, SCHOOL, HOBBIES, EXERCISE, VISITS, ETC. CAN TURN EMPTY HOURS INTO POSITIVE TIME.
TURN OFF THE BEDROOM PHONE AND TURN ON THE AIR CONDITIONER.
HELPS TO DROWN OUT DAYTIME SOUNDS WHEN THEY ARE SLEEPING.
ALSO, UNINTERRUPTED SLEEP MAKES THEM A HAPPIER MATE, A BENEFIT TO YOU.
HAVE SATURDAY NIGHT ON WEDNESDAYS.
INVITE FRIENDS FOR SUPPER OR EARLY EVENING COFFEE AND CAKE MIDWEEK SO YOU WILL HAVE A CHANCE TO SOCIALIZE TOGETHER.
KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN BUT RESPECT THEIR SOLITUDE.
REMEMBER THAT BOTH BEHAVIORS MAY HELP TO KEEP THE MARRIAGE HEALTHY.
CELEBRATE SPECIAL OCCASIONS ON ALTERNATE DATES.
MAKE ARRANGEMENTS TO COINCIDE WITH HIS SCHEDULE. FRIENDS AND RELATIVES ARE QUITE COOPERATIVE AND SUPPORTIVE.
JOIN A SUPPORT GROUP
SHARING CONCERNS AND IDEAS HELPS REDUCE FEELINGS OF ISOLATION, INCREASES COPING SKILLS, AND CAN PROVIDE COMPANIONSHIP AT NEEDED TIMES.
DON’T SHUT THEM OUT!
WE TEND TO AVOID TALKING ABOUT “THE JOB” BECAUSE WE THINK THEY WON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT WE DO. OR WORSE YET, WE THINK WE ARE PROTECTING THEM FROM THE NASTY PART OF OUR BUSINESS.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE GRAPHIC OR SCARE THEM
THEY DON’T NEED THE GRUESOME DETAILS. THEY JUST NEED TO KNOW HOW THE SHIFT AFFECTED YOU EMOTIONALLY. TALK ABOUT THINGS ON A FEELING LEVEL AND NOT ON A GRAPHIC, BLOODY LEVEL. SAVE THAT FOR THE COP SHOP.
REMEMBER------
IF YOU EXCLUDE THEM FROM TALKING ABOUT YOUR JOB, YOU ARE SHUTTING THEM OUT OF HALF OF YOUR LIFE. THE PERSON YOU MARRIED LOVES YOU AND CAN HANDLE MORE THAN YOU THINK THEY CAN.